Who am I really? The one who decides to act, is not the one who acts. The one who understands and sees clearly, is not present- when the moment to take action on that understanding arrives, with its bubbling raw energy.

What goes wrong?

They all reside in the same body and mind. They all parade as ‘me’ in their moments of appearance. Each one of them, when prevailing, seems to be the only one around and emphatically claims all the rationality and emotion that this body-mind can muster, to serve its immediate purpose.

Each one of them comes and goes as a different version of ‘me’.

How many actors are there, and do they not communicate with each other at all? It is almost as if they do not know, are not even aware of each other’s existence!

There is so much incoherence in me. Who am I really, among this crowd of shape shifting faces and attitudes?

Which is the real face? I do not know, for each of them seems urgently real and relevant, in the moment it visits to take over me. Perhaps they all are just fake projections, conjured up by my fears and desires, none more real than any other!

All the faces and personalities that come and go, cannot be the real me. They are merely visitors summoned and released by situations. I confuse them to be myself and my reality, I place my hopes on their promises!

They mean well in their moment of arising, but they have no power to fulfil what they promise, for they are replaced in the very next moment, by another thought, conjuring up yet another ‘me’! They all are ghostly images, mere shadows, that linger over my awareness.

All these myriad personalities arise in a background of the gentle silent awareness, where they are quietly noticed. This unbiased presence never interferes with their play. This baseline of unobtrusive knowing, a thin film of equanimity that covers all experience, but remains untouched by everything that happens in its field.

This real awareness is the one with all the power, for this is stable, always present behind all commotion, like the ever-present sky behind the passing clouds.

This gentle silent awareness is who I really am. This awareness is my only reality but not just that, it is the reality of all that is.

So, in my daily life when I am tormented by random moods, countless impulses, and conditioned reactions, that trap me in the vicious cycle of hope and despair, I need to maintain recognition of the fact- that none of these are really me. I need to remember in every moment, that my identification with these, is the cause of conflict and eventual suffering in life.

When they present with an urgency, pretending to represent absolutely valid facts, begging me to act upon them, I need to remind myself in that moment, that they are not real. I need to remember, that they are imposters and the real me is the one silently watching their elaborate game, always in the background!

The real me is the stillness that is the source of everything that happens, it underpins and notices everything that comes and goes, it is that all-pervading field where everything takes place, it is the light that illuminates all that is perceived.

The real me has no conflicts, it always remains unperturbed. The trick is to remain one with the calm depths of this awareness, and not be carried away with the turbulence of the transient wave-like movements on surface.

If I can do this, perhaps I will remain free of the conflicts, that I unwittingly and repeatedly invite in my life, and the hopeless suffering that follows, with the never-ending cycles of regret, guilt and frustration in response to all my failed attempts for lasting peace.

It is as simple, as only and always remembering myself, for who I really am!