Exploring a meditation technique.

Focussing on the feeling “I am” and investigating “Who am I?” are meditation techniques, highly recommended for self-enquiry by two widely recognized enlightened sages from India, in recent times (Nisargadatta Maharaj and Maharshi Raman respectively).

Following are my notes, from exploring these techniques.

Essentially, for every thought or perception that arises, I ask myself, “to whom it arises?” and follow the feeling rising in answer to this question. This is like chasing the ‘feeling’ of ‘being’.

Focus on feeling of ‘am’ from the ‘I am‘, and ‘Who am I?’

It is essential to be present here and now. That implies not running away with the arising thoughts or perceptions: noting them, dropping them. Staying with the welcoming inner space of awareness, that perceives everything.

This is consciously repeated, as often as necessary- until eventually, it begins to happen spontaneously. The attention starts to settle down within itself, wandering off less and less frequently with each rising perception.

There is a dynamic alert awareness of perceptions, rising and falling in the emptiness of passive alert attention. Everything is received and let go of, in this awareness.

This dynamic awareness also notices itself, which feels like a knowing of self by self, awareness of our own awareness.

Remaining attentive to everything arising- when tuned into this attitude,  the strongly felt ‘silence’ is strangely not disturbed, by any thoughts or perceptions which arise.

Occasionally, the arising perceptions may pause to leave a stretch of blank gap, which is not real silence, but only an absence of any object’s presence- this empty ‘gap’ is still an ‘object’ of perception- to be noted as such.

Remember that I am not the silence of my silent mind, but the witnessing presence of the awareness, who knows that silence- as the most intimate feeling of ‘being’.

Notice the feeling of the ‘am’ from the ‘I am’, and ‘Who am I?’

This emptiness of ‘am‘ feeling may appear like a perception, or an object. This may initially seem like something separate from the ‘felt’ sense of ‘self’. Follow (with attention) to where this feeling is pointing to (not localized in space).

Do not try to ‘see’ that- but just ‘be’ that. Attend to the feeling of ‘am‘, which is the same as the feeling of being. This is not an object- shift attention from every object that can be perceived, to the subject who is noticing it.

The habitual outward flow of attention is towards the concept localized as ‘I am’. The effort is to revert back the attention from this, to the actual subjective feeling of ‘ I am’, which is not felt as ‘other’ but as ‘Self’, hence cannot be ‘seen’ or noticed as an object of perception.

The simple thing to check, is to ask frequently- do I ‘perceive’ this feeling of ‘I am’? If yes, then I am only looking at my concept of ‘I am’.

Because I am not what I perceive! I am the awareness that is the act of perceiving itself. Knowingly be this awareness!

Revert the attention frequently back, until it stops wandering off, to the feeling following the answer to the questions, “who am I?”, “what am I”, “where am I?” or, “to whom it happens?”!

This practice of the technique, is the ‘effort’ that prepares us, to recognize the real spontaneous meditation, which cannot be invited.

This is like cleaning our house for a guest, who always comes unannounced. We have no idea- when, or whether, this guest will show up.

We clean our house, then simply wait, for the unknown guest to arrive!