Knowing that desires and attachments are causes of suffering, we may see desire for anything as a problem. When we notice that we are attached to something, we may feel dependent, confused, or conflicted. Desire to be detached from our persisting attachments, then becomes a subtle new desire, simply adding to the pile.
Desire is natural to living beings. We have a conscious, sensitive body-mind, which responds to environment. We need food, shelter, affection and all our basic needs are realized through the impulse of desire.
When we see something beautiful, we may have a desire to obtain it. When we notice something unpleasant, we may have an aversion towards it. These natural impulses are nothing to feel guilty about.
Instincts to like or dislike, naturally arise in our minds, depending on our personal conditioning. Our bias and choices are deeply rooted in our past experiences. We subconsciously react to certain things, without even realizing. We could be attracted to, or repelled by things that we face, responding in a very personal way to what we come across, often not even knowing why!
It is important to realize, that suffering follows not from our desire itself, but from our attitude and response towards it.
Whenever there is suffering, it can usually be traced back, to an expectation, hope, or wish that we are invested in- or a fear, disgust and hatred towards something- an attachment, or aversion of some kind.
But desire by itself, is not evil. It may even be necessary for survival. It naturally arises, when there are conditions triggering it.
When we are hungry, we desire food. Eating what is available and needed, this craving subsides. The fulfilment of this natural harmless progression is necessary for survival.
But if we obsess about food, indulging in gluttony or binge eating to satisfy our craving for taste- this loads our sensual greed, onto a natural biological impulse, trying to satiate it. Such stretching of a natural desire (for food, in response to hunger), to an unusual level of indulgence, is grasping and attachment.
Attachment or aversion through our preferences, steers us away from the actuality of the situation before us. We relate to our concept, which hides the facts from us. Truth, is not a concept, but an experience, a knowing- standing alone and free, from all our attachments and aversions. Otherwise, we only relate to merely a compromised projection, of our personally biased ideas about truth, not recognizing the actual truth.
We could strongly attach to something beautiful, pure, wise, or loving, while detesting something unpleasant, unfair, or false- but, we are still only looking at an illusion.
When we see through the veil of our personal attachment or aversion, the truth is distorted, our views do not align with the real truth. This creates delusion, causing us to react from ignorance and eventually suffer.
Suffering comes not from the desire itself, but from our approach towards it. An impulse of desire does not cause our suffering, but our grasping, or rejection of it, does.
So, how should we approach our naturally arising impulse towards certain things?
There are established patterns of thinking and feeling, that have a strong grip on our minds and appear to control our attitudes and behaviour. We could try to be aware of these patterns, watching them, so we may not unconsciously slide back into their familiar grooves.
Remembering, to see and know the facts of each situation clearly, for what they are, with an attitude of awareness- we remain fully in charge- detached from the force of an arising impulse of desire.
Practicing witnessing and letting go, when faced with our personal cravings, attachments, or aversions to what we like or dislike- is a way towards lasting peace and contentment. Practically, this means that we do not cling to the arising desire.
We see it for what it really is, as a natural impulse, not adding any more value to it. Not conferring more meaning to it than it has, not expecting it to be the source of our true or lasting happiness.
Not demanding our peace, fulfilment, or contentment from the object of our desires, we accept it, for what it is. Seeing desire arise in our alert awareness, receiving it in its purity as it comes, knowing it clearly, we respond to it as necessary, and eventually watch it dissolve.
We continue to remain free from it, throughout its arising and ceasing.
Knowing, accepting, but not clinging to desire, is letting go.
This natural way of detached living, is aligned with the truth of whatever happens. Accepted as a natural fact of life, when witnessed in awareness, desire remains harmless. Our response to it determines, whether we suffer or remain free!
Comments
6 responses to “Detachment from desires”
All very true and so difficult to achieve.
Yes, difficult only because of our unconscious habits of instantly grasping, or aggressively rejecting, what we like or dislike. The effort is in trying to remember, to recognize and see our established patterns of behaviour. This part does get easier with practice!
Oh I think it’s more than that you know. It’s the brutal competition in the animal kingdom which makes it so very, very hard. The awful feeling that one must compete in a harsh dog eat dog environment where the meek get trampled on. I have been writing a post on letting go, but it’s easy enough for me to say I am succeeding. A reasonably well off Westerner living in a relatively safe first world country. But even here there is always fear of ending up on the streets. The biggest desire is to be safe, to have food, shelter and medicine. And to ensure you have that we humans mostly over compensate and grab as much as we can to make sure we don’t run out.
Sadly, the gap between what we need and what we want is forever growing larger. There is never an end to how much more we can want. We are like the dog constantly chasing his tail of desires, always imagining that we are about to get to that lasting contentment but never really catching up! So, the only way out of this vicious circle is to stop chasing.
This is possible if we clearly see that what we are chasing is not worth chasing, it is a transient achievement at best. Realizing this, is the understanding which helps us with letting go of our grasp. The effort to be applied here, is not with a power of will, but with understanding the truth of our whole condition.
The way this is possible is through contemplating, reflecting, on what is really of value and how much emphasis we are putting on it. Then, remembering to be aware, as much as possible, so we do not slip into the ignorance out of habits.
The practice to perfection of this insight, may not be a matter of time, as much as that of the intensity of how much we are convinced of this truth, and how much we want to be free from this loop!
I agree its important to stop chasing but my point is that it is a cruel world in which there is not enough to go around. Partly because of greed. Fear of lack makes it very difficult to let go.
I see your point about fear. I have fears of vulnerability too, and it is an emotion deep rooted, difficult to uproot through logic or reasoning. Ultimately, it has to be watched, noticed every time it arises and as much as possible, see it for what it is, instead of playing it up with thoughts weaving imaginary projected scenarios to fuel it further. What also helps is being aware of any emotion (fear, anger etc.) in the body, focus on physical sensations (contractions, heart beating fast etc.) to see them as physical (which is easier to relax when noted), and not being overpowered with the idea (concept/ label) of fear or what we think we are afraid of.
A lot of our issues at the level of mind remain interconnected. Once one can be seen through, others become easy to handle. So, dealing with what bothers us the most first, is helpful! We are all seekers on the way, and learn with trial error and practice 🙂